Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
