Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
