Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
