I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
