it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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