Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
that is very illegal...i love you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
