i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
