i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
