I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
