Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
