I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
