How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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