O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
