whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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