I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
