So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
