we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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