hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
