My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
