I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just cropdusted the office
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
