So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
