The beer is more important than you right now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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