my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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