Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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