If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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