When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
