I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
