Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize