sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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