I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
