The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
