apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We were destined to go to rehab together
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
