she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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