This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
