Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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