I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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