I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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