Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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