you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
