She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
