some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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