All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
