I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
