Kiss
Puke
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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