I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
