just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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