At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
