where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Shame - the story of my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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