You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
