His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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