check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
