so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
