like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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