wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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