I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
