I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
