you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
