i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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