"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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