Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
