we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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