I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
