The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
