please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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