Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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