honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
