i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
