I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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