All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
