Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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