She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
