An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I intend to get homeless drunk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
