you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize