Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
