Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
