You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
