Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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