It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
