we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
