just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
