it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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