last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
