i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
