that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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