i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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