Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm both gender and math confused
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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